crossroads.

First, I must say, Crossroads Music in Hanover is the best music store in the world. You will not find more knowledgeable and friendly people anywhere, and their instruments and music lessons are phenomenal. Hi, Paul and Bobby Doo!

But that's not the type of crossroad this blog entry will be about. I've had several of those moments in life when you wonder what the fuck it is your doing, and whether or not you're doing the right thing. I'll give you an example.

Way back in the day, ten years ago, I was working on a film called Osmosis Jones. Bill Murray was in it and the Farrelly Brothers directed. I worked in the production office at the time, and it was extremely busy. We were consistently there longer than most of the other crew, finishing up sides and skins for the next day.

This one night came along that I was invited by one of the cameramen to go have dinner with Bobby and Peter at Bobby's house. I considered it. Then I looked over at my boss in her office, running around working her ass off, and I knew I shouldn't bail on her just because an interesting opportunity had presented itself. I told myself I would be able to dine with the Farrellys another time. So I stayed, and worked, and she told me she appreciated it.

The next night, I had the night off. Everyone else went to dinner with the Farrellys, no one told me, and there was never another opportunity for me to go. Did I do the right thing? Yes. Did I do what everyone else would have done? No. Why is it that I hold myself to different standards than everyone else does? I couldn't tell you. But I can't help it.

You would think I would regret that decision, and I definitely do wish I had had an opportunity to go; it would have been cool to hang with those guys in a non-work setting. But I am proud that I didn't desert my boss, who was also a friend of mine. A friend who happened to die of breast cancer several years later at the age of 36. I got a few extra hours with her. Not a bad deal, when you think about it in those terms. But am I a jackass for not doing the more fun thing, when almost anyone else would have?

What's more important? Knowing people will remember you as being honorable after you're dead, or having fun when you're alive? Please tell me your thoughts.